The Post-Audition Emotional Spectrum: A(n overly) Dramatic Narrative
“Thank you for playing for us today.” The members of the faculty panel (or your Death Committee, as you have unwillingly started calling them in your mind) gather their papers and smile warmly at you.
It takes all your willpower not to look so relieved, and with the grace and charm of an elephant, you politely leave the audition room. Once out of range of your potential teachers, though, you can’t help but break out into a huge, radiant, slightly maniacal grin. You receive some strange looks on your way to the elevators, and, yeah, your face hurts from all this smiling by this point, but every time you try to pull a straight face, it returns again. You might want to get that checked out later. You punch the down button, and after several sunlit days, the elevator finally arrives. It’s full, but you somehow find yourself with your own corner. (Your smile has probably evolved into a grimace by now, and people are finding you look more hostile than happy.)
When you exit(escape) the building, you are overcome with pure, unrestrained bliss. You are Atlas, and in one grand sweep, the crushing weight of the world has finally, after centuries (months), been lifted from your shoulders! You are a phoenix, newly reborn and rising from the ashes after enduring the flames of college auditions! You are a poorly written metaphor! The world is awash in a golden, glittering light. Birds are chirping. (Or, in the case of New York, the severely overweight one-legged pigeons are cooing menacingly at you.) You breathe in, letting the fresh air (egg rolls and car exhaust) fill your lungs. The outrageously overpriced Chipotle burrito you’ve just ordered is equivalent to a feast of kings. Your new life has just begun: nothing can vanquish your triumph.
Minutes later, your burrito and your bravado are long gone. You are now consumed by overwhelming existential dread. In hindsight, your audition wasn’t really that good, was it? In fact, now that you’re thinking about it, none of your auditions achieved anything beyond spectacular mediocrity. There’s no way you’re getting into college. The agony of self-doubt follows you for the rest of the day. You will never feel joy again, you think to yourself.
Nevertheless, you wake up the next morning feeling great. And so it continues with each passing day: a vicious cycle between unbridled elation and unwarranted despair.
A note to the recent survivors of this year’s audition season: congratulations!!! Your hard work and dedication has paid off, and you deserve to take these next few weeks to reward yourself. And thanks for reading these blog posts, no matter how cringey and over-the-top I can get. (: